Maricela sobbed hysterically. Her face twisted,wrought with agony. She looked up to see Rafael's face, trying her best to catch his eyes. He was looking away. Far away.
"I beg you mi amor, por favor, answer my question. Do you love her?" her voice was shaky and cracked.
"I don't know. I swear to God, I don't know how I feel." Rafael replied solemnly.
Rafael and Maricela have been married for almost 12 years and they have been blessed with three kids, 2 boys and a girl in between. Marriage can be called a little too early for both of them, but she was pregnant and they mutually decided to tidy things up in their life. The family life has been peaceful and happy. They have their usual spats and trials like most married couples. except until the last few months.
Maricela just knew there was something wrong, not right. Something in her gut gave her acid reflux each time she noticed little and slight things that made her feel that Rafael had become distant, detached, less caring and attentive.
He had always been a quiet, reserved man of few words. Hard-working. Simple. Maricela also knew of his dark, passionate side. Over extended work hours for Rafael were rare, but lately, have become always. At home, he would close the door to his study, a unique thing he had never done, and this is where he tinkered on his laptop until the wee hours of the morning.
The sex had become more and more infrequent. However, it has been that way for several years. The last 2 or 3 times they had sex, he was savage, almost brutal and lustful like a beast. Maricela knew he was different.
It felt magnificent, except Maricela knew in her core he was fucking someone else. Her body just happened to be available for the taking. She recalls the last time, she tried her best to be a whore in bed for him to reciprocate the wild sex.
But then he started moaning. She heard it. It was very faint, softer than a whisper, but he had said a name. Right in the middle of her multiple orgasms her tears flowed and she tried her best to choke back her whimpers. Maricela stared at her husband's face. He was in orgasmic ecstasy. His head thrown back, his eyes rolled up, his whole body shaking and profusely sweaty, he was biting on his lower lip. Then somehow his soul escaped. He mumbled a girl's name. Maricela felt her heart stabbed a hundred times with a jagged knife. As he rolled to his side, he turned his back on her and started snoring. Maricela was wide awake, she stared at the ceiling while her tears gushed uncontrollably.
She needed to know. She had to.
On that fateful, horrible night, Maricela crept stealthily into the study where he worked. He had headphones on and he never even noticed her presence. He was chatting with someone. She was appalled to see her husband playing with himself. He was saying things that made all the hairs in her body rise. He kept calling out her name, professing his love, lusting about her.
She stood frozen behind him in the dark. When she could no longer take it, she sat on the floor, covered her ears and quietly sobbed.
Maricela decided to confront him about that night and what she saw and heard. Rafael went crazy angry that she swore he was about to hit her.
She however has decided she will never give up her husband. He can lie. He can cheat. He can fuck "her" in bed or fuck her in his head. It doesn't matter. He comes home to her and their kids. She knows herself enough that she can live with the pain of another woman in his life, but she can not live with the pain of losing him in hers.
